By Mark Murphy

Of the half-million pre-season friendlies so far, two could have been semi-finals in a darkly-comic competition. Bournemouth, Southampton and Darlington could have gone under this summer – Newcastle could yet – undermined by all the mismanagement imaginable, and much unimaginable. Sports-marketeers Sport-6 took Bournemouth out of administration last summer. And, after countless financial mishaps/misdemeanours, nearly put them back in again. Yet Eddie Howe kept up a side which started on -17 points, for historical financial mishaps/misdemeanours. Manager-of-the-year awards have been earned for much less. Ex-chairman Jeff Mostyn, part of Bournemouth’s historic problems, is part of the consortium which is the next proposed solution. Good luck Bournemouth.

Southampton eventually fell foul of near-perpetual boardroom conflict. Consistently bad managerial appointments, thorough personality clashes and unsustainable wages saw Saints descend from UEFA Cup to Johnstone Paints Trophy inside six years. Shortly before overseeing his second Saints relegation, perennially-unpopular chairman Rupert Lowe put Saints holding company into administration in March, avoiding points deductions, according to league rules. The league deducted 10 points anyway, disguising their poorly-drafted rule by using clever words like “forensic.” This left Southampton virtually unsellable. A consortium backed by Saints legend/deity Matt Le Tissier lost its credible investors when the league refused any new owners right-of-appeal against the points deduction. Handily, Swiss billionaire Marcus Liebherr forsook the points. And his first managerial appointment, Alan Pardew, looks better than Saints’ average.

Darlington’s 3,000 diehards in a 20,000 stadium equated to (ulp!) £54,000-per-week losses. Chairman George Houghton inherited – but couldn’t control – considerable debts from predecessor George Reynolds, for whom the afore-mentioned “Reynolds Arena” was an economically-insane vanity project. In February, the club entered administration for the second time in five years. As major creditor himself, Houghton took them out again, after selling the club to business associate Raj Singh…and keeping the ground. Darlo need the support of local businesses left 90% out-of-pocket by the administrations. So Singh’s only discernible advantage over his predecessors is that he isn’t called George. Well…it’s a start.

Newcastle United have been for sale for years, bar the gap between Mike Ashley’s purchase and his discovery of the mess predecessor Freddie Shepherd had bequeathed. The latest bidder is, simultaneously, bidding for club and the title “football’s biggest misnomer.” A season in control of the Toon and the “Profitable Group”…wouldn’t be.

Bournemouth beat Southampton and Newcastle hammered Darlington in their friendlies. But all would happily forsake a “Clubs-in-Crisis Cup Final” for simple survival.